Veg-tishism: Zucchini

February 10, 2007

 This article was written by therecreationalvegan’s Guest Sex Columnist.

Encouraged by a gay male erotic short story I read and therecreationalvegan writers, I decided to incorporate vegetable, specifically a zucchini, in recent sexual experimentations.

Participants: Me, an almost ripened zucchini

Mode of Experiment: Vaginal sex only.

Cost: Total = approx. $4.00
$1.50 (+ tax) for one zucchini + $1.50 (+ tax) for one vegan condom + water-based lubricant

Despite relatively high expectations, I am disappointed to say that the experience was less than completely satisfying. While there were moments where the zucchini paralleled the effects and functions of a silicone dildo (its synthetic, often mass-duplicated counterpart), it was decidedly inferior. Several reasons accounted for the less-than-climatic results, the primary would be its firmness, or lack there of. Unless one chooses a very firm and completely unripend zucchini, my choice – like the majority of the zucchinis in the grocery store – would be too soft both for gripping and insertion. A loose and/or soft grip, coupled with its soft texture certainly decreased my sensitivity to the vegetable.

Also, unlike most dildos, vibrators, and other penetrative toys, a zucchini does not have a base with which to hold on. This added to the difficulty in tight and effective gripping and contributed to limited options for experimental positions. The results were moments of awkward interaction I am sure most lovers have experienced when they first became acquainted. However, this problem may be resolved with another human participant responsible for insertion. Nonetheless, I left the experiment feeling unexpectedly frustrated and perplexed by the question: “if a zucchini is not made for sex, why is it shaped like a dildo?” I highly encourage readers to pick their own zucchinis and replicate this experiment by themselves or with (a) partner(s), vaginally, anally, and/or in multiple positions. Your experiences may differ dramatically from mine.

#1 Be sure you are completely comfortable with the size and length of the chosen zucchini. I recommend measuring it against your favorite penetrative sex toy.

#2 Use a condom and lots of lube, you may feel the chosen zucchini to be smooth enough for penetration, but remember – your fingers are not the most sensitive parts of your body. Barebacking with a zucchini may also yield unwanted pesticide-genital contact.

#3 Pick the firmest zucchini you can find in a grocery store. If it is too firm, you can always let it ripen. If it is too soft, it may break.

Conclusion: Although the experience was not quite what was anticipated, it has certainly wetted my appetite for further experimentations with veg-tishism. Like the defenders of the meat industry who claim they use all parts of the animals, let’s try all corners, curves, and textures of vegetables. Enjoy!

Therecreationalvegan nor the Guest Sex Columnist take responsibility for any injuries caused from improper use of a zucchini.  Suggestions, questions or “thank yous!” should be submitted through the comment section below.

Vegan Sex: Free Cows from Your Bedrooms!

December 4, 2006

Sex is healthy when it’s consensual between/among the partners involved. However, it may not always be healthy to our environment. If you use latex condoms, gloves, and/or other latex products, you are almost always using non-vegan protection. Latex requires a milk protein – Casein – during processing, and some forms of latex also contain milk powder.

You have a few alternatives. You can find other ways to protect against pregnancy such as the birth control pill or the birth control patch – although such options do not protect against any form of STI and some birth control pills are coated with the animal product gelatin. You can also abandon the use of condoms and gloves all together – although this decision may not be appropriate for all persons, as the absence of condoms or gloves dramatically increases the risk for transmissions of sexual infections and diseases and some people may prefer the use of (water or silicone-based) lubricants with condoms and/or gloves.

There are a few vegan condoms on the market. One of the most popular brands is Condomi. It is made in Germany and started production in 1999. Condomi production utilizes cocoa power instead of Casein and has been awarded the Vegan Society’s seal of approval in Britain. It is accessible over the internet in Canada. However, this condom has not received the seal of approval from the Public Health Departments in the United States and Canada for reasons that are unknown. It may be that regulations of condoms are based on the testing surrounding latex or simply that Condomi is not an effective mode of protection. I shall post updates regarding Condomi’s status in North America.

Remember, cruelty in bed should only involve BDSM, and not innocent animals!

This article was written by a therecreationalvegan’s guest sex columnist.