A lesson in taxonomy

Many animal eaters have an instinctual need to criticize the vegan diet. The reasons for this are not known, but are likely rooted in jealousy. No matter what the cause one can expect to encounter anti-vegan rhetoric on a regular basis. To survive, the recreational vegan must be trained in the art of self-defense.

Let’s take the following anecdote as an exercise. Today I was accosted by two meat eaters who asserted that bacteria are animals and therefore non-vegan. If true, this would present a serious problem for vegans as avoiding inadvertently harming bacteria would be most difficult.

First, it should be noted that %100 veganism is impossible. The production of consumer goods often causes harm to the environment and its inhabitants in ways that even the most assiduous vegan would not suspect. However, this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t reduce our impact. (A derivation of the optimal amount of veganism, that is %95, will be covered in a future post.)

That being said, what can you do if you are confronted by two such assailants wielding weapons of illogic? Think quickly and ask yourself this: Scientifically speaking, can bacteria be considered to be animals in any meaningful sense?

A certified biologist retained by the recreational vegan was able to supply us with this answer:

no, bacteria are most definitely not animals. They are not even eukaryotes which comprises animals, plants, fungi & protists. Bacteria are prokaryotes and their cells don’t have nuclei or other cellular organelles. so the vegetables you eat are much more closely related to animals than bacteria are.

Conclusion: with this little gem you can quickly disarm your opponent. I recommend memorizing it and storing it in your arsenal of anti-anti-vegan rhetoric for future use.

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5 Responses to A lesson in taxonomy

  1. Guest Sex Columnist says:

    Someone said that to me just yesterday re: bacteria! Great work!

  2. jayme says:

    thanks for the “ammo” 🙂
    it is much needed at times!
    keep posting and training the “troops” hehe

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